Today was a good day, I think. Crossed a few items off the to-do list that had been there a while, sorted out some issues with the computer, and worked on rearranging the apartment some (more rearranging ahead, I think, but I like this first step). I have a bookshelf again 
Also, after rolling Project Awesome around my head a few dozen times, I think today I generally figured out what I want it to look like, what I want it to be. That’s tomorrow’s to-do.
Tonight’s community group was pretty awesome. When we broke into small groups for prayer time, the guys I was with had a good time sharing with each other, and then we had a great time listening while one guy shared his testimony. It was very powerful; it’s great hearing about how God’s worked in people’s lives.
That’s all.
There’s something to be said for using the tools available to you. Over the past week or so, I’ve started getting a lot of spam comments, including 40-45 on a day that no one actually visited the site. Which is funny to me, since this isn’t a huge popular site with trillions of unique visitors.
Until today, I’d just been letting the comments come in and marking them as spam manually. Eventually this got irritating, but whatcha gonna do? Then about 5 seconds of research on Google this morning showed me how to start setting up filters. Problem (mostly) solved.
I could’ve done this at any point over the past week. The tools were there for me all along. I just wasn’t using them.
This weekend has felt a bit odd. Yesterday morning I went to my church’s work day, and helped with cleaning. Note: windows located over/behind large plants tend to be covered in small sap droplets.
Tonight I pulled the plug on a sort of failed experiment. A couple weeks ago I made a second user for my laptop, moved all my writing/trying to be productive stuff over to it, and basically set up a cyber-work-environment free of distractions. The catch was that then whenever I had a quick idea or inspiration to note down, I wasn’t doing anything with it because that would require shutting down everything on one user, loading another, and then switching back. So now it’s all in one spot again, and I already feel better.
It makes me wish I had a newer version of OSX, though; spaces would be great for the distraction control.
I’ve been reading Stephen King’s Dreamcatcher, and noticed it’s had an odd effect on my thinking. The narrative follows four men who (I think) are in their mid- to late-thirties, who spend a decent amount of time remembering their middle and high school days. This morning, I caught myself thinking “I was just a kid, back then,” before realizing the events I was thinking of were just a few years ago. As far as my future is concerned, with its wide-open unlimited possibilities, I still am a kid. Sure, maybe I have to be an adult when it comes to responsibility, but I haven’t crossed the “giving up on dreams and settling for what I have” threshold yet.
I refuse to give up on my dreams so long as they are my dreams. I see no reason to give up just because I haven’t succeeded yet. If what I want to do changes, that’s another thing; but I’m not going to settle for being a good little member of society just to meet someone’s idea of what they think I should be. Anything great was accomplished by people who never gave up on their dreams.
I think these thoughts are part of me processing the conversation I had last Tues. I think that I felt like someone else’s goals were being imposed on me; I think that I went along with it for a bit. I think I’m getting my head back on straight.
So dreams, look out. I’m coming for you.
Today’s wordcount: 1,016 on WIP
Went out to lunch with a friend today. It was a really good experience, but has left me feeling kind of mixed up inside the rest of the day. He pointed out a couple areas in my life where I’m dropping the ball (which is good, but never fun). Here’s the thing that I’m having trouble processing – while I agree with him 100% on the principle of what we discussed (basically that I lack a sense of urgency, and I need one), I disagree on the exact steps he seemed to want me to take in response to the conversation.
So I guess I’m afraid that despite the fact that I am trying to grow in my focus and urgency, if I don’t take those exact steps he’ll think I’m just sitting on my hands doing nothing.
And, knowing the way my mind works, it’s probably all in my head.
But yeah, my insides were going “GAR!” all afternoon (for about an hour, though, that was because I tried to run on too full of a stomach). This evening, reading and writing and watching a sermon helped me calm down (plus writing! yay!). Hopefully more so tomorrow.