Pen to Paper

So I got to thinking yesterday: at the end of Star Wars: A New Hope, Luke just blows up the Death Star’s power core, right?  Which led to the space station’s instantaneous atomization-by-explosion (or instantaneous atomization-by-goofy-looking-explosion in the Special Edition from the 90s).

But if all he’s destroying is the power core, shouldn’t the immediate result just have been all the lights in the Death Star turning off?  Followed by the slow, torturous suffocation of all crew members over the next few hours.  And, presuming the core was based on some sort of nuclear power, all the air and metal surfaces on the ship becoming radioactive over the next few days/weeks.

Man, Luke was a dick.

Trope of the Day: This Index Has Balls – completely safe for work. This page… well, it’s funny in the reversed expectation way.

Watching Youth in Revolt tonight, I had a thought. You know how whenever you see police putting someone in the back of a squad car on TV or in movies, they guide the back of the suspects head so that they don’t hit it on the door? That way they can’t be accused of brutality or negligence or whatever.

I got to thinking that if I’m ever being put in the back of a car, and I have enough presence of mind, I should go ahead and head-butt the roof of the car. Just for spite.

I’ve been thinking about the relationship between faith and doubt lately. And what it means to know something as opposed to believing it has a high probability.

These things seem like opposites. And yet I can’t help but think that you can’t have faith without having doubt first.

Without doubt, you just have acceptance of what you perceive as facts. It’s like believing the ground is there because you can see it. Unless you consciously think there’s a good chance you’re hallucinating or mistaken, there’s no faith in that. Just acceptance.

Only by first doubting the floor’s existence can you choose to put faith in it, to act in faith.

That’s what I’ve been thinking lately, anyway.

When you think about it, most of the tactics we subconsciously use to deal with stress aren’t that great. They tend to be internal – they’ll reduce the stress level temporarily, but don’t do much to change the circumstances causing stress.

So after a few days of feeling unproductive and overwhelmed, I made a list of all the projects/goals I’ve got going in one stage or another right now, which means they’re all spinning around in some part of my mind at the same time. Seeing it all on paper (well, dry erase board) was a bit shocking. I hadn’t realized I’d committed myself to so much, even if the commitment was only to myself.

But.

Writing it all down was a start. Now I can take a more systematic, methodical approach. Now I don’t have to be thinking “I should be working on this and this and this and this,” because it’s out of my head. I can just look at the paper and see what needs to be done.

And yes, writing here is one of the things on the list. I haven’t been here as much as I should the past few weeks, and (one) goal is to change that.

Today’s wordcount: 1,016 on WIP

Went out to lunch with a friend today.  It was a really good experience, but has left me feeling kind of mixed up inside the rest of the day.  He pointed out a couple areas in my life where I’m dropping the ball (which is good, but never fun).  Here’s the thing that I’m having trouble processing – while I agree with him 100% on the principle of what we discussed (basically that I lack a sense of urgency, and I need one), I disagree on the exact steps he seemed to want me to take in response to the conversation.

So I guess I’m afraid that despite the fact that I am trying to grow in my focus and urgency, if I don’t take those exact steps he’ll think I’m just sitting on my hands doing nothing.

And, knowing the way my mind works, it’s probably all in my head.

But yeah, my insides were going “GAR!” all afternoon (for about an hour, though, that was because I tried to run on too full of a stomach).  This evening, reading and writing and watching a sermon helped me calm down (plus writing! yay!).  Hopefully more so tomorrow.